Don't really care if this words exist or not. Google does the translation.

Sometimes I'd like to make contact with friends, but not always. No matter how many groups I had enroll, I want myself to be myself, not myself in a crowd. It is a little bit hard to explain, but I think later when I come back and read this again, I will get what I write in this moment.

I am afraid of others trying to change me. Even more, I am afraid that I will affect others, especially my friends. Bothering others makes me feel bad. Too bad that I cannot breathe. I just like kidnapping my friends because of what I did, or what I choose to do.

It is ironic that what I did is pushing everyone out of my sight, while I want to hand out with people from the deep of my heart. What I did is violating to what I want, but satisfied what I felt. (bad grammar, but you can get the gist.)

I am not ready. I still believe that I am not prepared, for anything but studying. I spend so much on learning, and I am so lucky that I got a chance to be enrolled into graduate program of University of Rochester. I want to keep myself still. Afriaid of changing myself, I spend most of the time in my bedroom. Trying to act like a normal people when my classmate are gathering for lunch or playing cards together. But deep in my heart, I am still used to be alone.

It may sounds crule, unfriendly, or even cold. But that is what I am right now. Avoid any uncertainty. My confort zone has shrinking days by days. Whenever I trying to get in touch with other deeper, I may feel inconfort.

It IS not fair. And I have no excuse. Maybe this is the time I disrespect myself the most. Feeling terrible. That is what I deserve.....